Oh man, oh man. I'm worn out. Have you ever taken a break from working out and then get back into the gym and after a couple of days you are spent? Your muscles are so sore that you just want to sleep for days on end and not move. Well... that's exactly how I feel except Spiritually. (I'm sure if I made it to the gym my muscles would feel sore too, but that's for a different day).
I really can't share too much, because I'm really that exhausted, but this weekend was a life changing girls weekend in Malibu (okay, woman's retreat, but I'm not old enough to go to one of those, so I refuse to call it that, so instead we went to a girls weekend in Malibu). Wow, did God want me to die to myself. Who knew that I was my biggest idol? Ever since then, I've been seeing God's work and His Kingdom in a whole new light, and Jesse's been experiencing the same thing too. It's almost as if God is going to get ready to do something in us, but first wants us to know that without a shadow of a doubt, we're nothing. Our name is not great, it will not ever be great. Our ministry is never going to be ours... wow, what a concept - His Ministry is HIS, and He wants to get the Glory and HIS name shall be made great. Again,what a concept. But stupidly, I think I was trying to make it about me, and I didn't even realize it until it hit me like a huge ass bus, right in the face. Then instead of blood and broken bones, I had snot and more snot and more snot. I guess it took me that beat down to realize I needed to be humble. The whole experience was covered by His Grace, which made it bearable and fruitful and exciting.
But now, J and I are just plain tired. It's like our eyes have been opened. And we're so expectant now. We are longing for him to move mightily and are honored that we just get to be on His ride. He's moving and doesn't have to include us, but graciously is and that is humbling. I feel the Holy Spirit preparing us for change but I don't know what that is... home? work? family? We know he's moving in crazy ways through church, but I think there's more and I can't wait to see what that is...
Until then, I'm plugging away with my kids and our Lenten Devos. Here are days 13-16. Enjoy.
x,
b
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Days 9-12, It's totally not too late to start
Here you go! DAYS 9-12. I am so happy to be sharing with you what my kiddos and I are doing. I LOVE hearing feedback from you, just little "hey, we're doing this." I feel blessed by that, so thank you. And, will you please let me know if you're kiddos are doing it as well? If you haven't started and feel like it's too late...haha, it's TOTALLY NOT. That's SO my personality... welp, I missed that one, so we'll wait until next year. Let me help you out, if this is you...
1) They can take as long or as short as you need them too - it's totally doable to do multiple days at a time. For advent, we did this... we started 1/2 through the advent season and we just talked about 2 passages of scripture and then each kid colored only 1 of the pictures. We caught up in no time.
2) ALSO, there are more than 40 days from Ash Wednesday until Easter. Sundays are free (mini-Easters as some say). So you have extra days built in. :) We're starting day 9 tomorrow, but you don't have to be there yet, or you could have been waiting for me to publish this round... sorry you overachievers... I'm a procrastinator.
3) If you feel overwhelmed, I haven't ordered anything really in chronological order except Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter) so no one will know if you skip days, well except God and me, because he tells me things, and then I might get really offended. ;)
Doing Lent with my kids has, in essence, made me do Lent - I can't really tell you the last time that I had intentional space and time with God every day by myself. Life gets overwhelming and SO busy. I might hit a few days a week, or month, or year of real quality time with my Savior, but when I get my kids involved... holy smokes, they are bad ass accountability partners. "Mom, can we do our 40 days of Lent." "No, we can't go to bed, because we haven't done our devotions." "Dinner can wait, we need to spend time with Jesus." hahaha... yes, all true quotes from my 4 year olds. Even my 1 year old is in on it. She lasts only for 30 seconds, but she loves the coloring. They might only be in it for the coloring right now, but they are totally grasping each story and pulling wisdom from the Scripture themselves. I love how these scriptures are truly being meditated over by my 4 year olds. I can totally learn something from my babies.
I would love to hear how you're spending your Lent. If you're doing the 40 days of Lent for kids... shoot me a love note. If you're doing something else, share it - I would love to hear, get inspired, steal your stuff, etc.
Prayers for my Mr as he is single daddy this weekend. This mama is going away, with her girlfriends, to meet Jesus, and to sleep a whole night (2 whole nights) through without a kid (or husband..ehem ehem) waking me up at all hours of the night. Excited. Hopeful. Desperate for sleep and God.
x, b
1) They can take as long or as short as you need them too - it's totally doable to do multiple days at a time. For advent, we did this... we started 1/2 through the advent season and we just talked about 2 passages of scripture and then each kid colored only 1 of the pictures. We caught up in no time.
2) ALSO, there are more than 40 days from Ash Wednesday until Easter. Sundays are free (mini-Easters as some say). So you have extra days built in. :) We're starting day 9 tomorrow, but you don't have to be there yet, or you could have been waiting for me to publish this round... sorry you overachievers... I'm a procrastinator.
3) If you feel overwhelmed, I haven't ordered anything really in chronological order except Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter) so no one will know if you skip days, well except God and me, because he tells me things, and then I might get really offended. ;)
Doing Lent with my kids has, in essence, made me do Lent - I can't really tell you the last time that I had intentional space and time with God every day by myself. Life gets overwhelming and SO busy. I might hit a few days a week, or month, or year of real quality time with my Savior, but when I get my kids involved... holy smokes, they are bad ass accountability partners. "Mom, can we do our 40 days of Lent." "No, we can't go to bed, because we haven't done our devotions." "Dinner can wait, we need to spend time with Jesus." hahaha... yes, all true quotes from my 4 year olds. Even my 1 year old is in on it. She lasts only for 30 seconds, but she loves the coloring. They might only be in it for the coloring right now, but they are totally grasping each story and pulling wisdom from the Scripture themselves. I love how these scriptures are truly being meditated over by my 4 year olds. I can totally learn something from my babies.
I would love to hear how you're spending your Lent. If you're doing the 40 days of Lent for kids... shoot me a love note. If you're doing something else, share it - I would love to hear, get inspired, steal your stuff, etc.
Prayers for my Mr as he is single daddy this weekend. This mama is going away, with her girlfriends, to meet Jesus, and to sleep a whole night (2 whole nights) through without a kid (or husband..ehem ehem) waking me up at all hours of the night. Excited. Hopeful. Desperate for sleep and God.
x, b
Friday, February 15, 2013
God meets us even in the tests! (and link to new kid devos at bottom)
Oh lovie ones. How was your Valentine's Day? We celebrated a little early, on Monday with a MUCH needed overnight, away from the kids. It was pure bliss. Let me let you live vicariously through me just for a moment...
We begin our 24 hours away at a local eatery where everything is grown there - totally fits my philosophy when it comes to food. (If it were up to me, I'd live on a commune with all my friends where we could sustain ourselves and I'd be drinking wine, riding a horse, and wearing a flowy white long skirt. Our kids could run back and forth to our friends home and there'd never be a care in the world, but we'd love Jesus - not one of those cult things that go on... anyone in? Okay, so that was a tangent...) After eating at Greenleaf, where we just shared a salad, we drove down to a dreamland called Carlsbad. A tiny little beach city located about an hour south of us. We ended up at Pizza Port sharing a little pizza and having a beer. Delicious. THEN... we made it to our lovely hotel around 3. As cute as Carlsbad is, we saw NONE OF IT! Seriously, 20 hours in a hotel room w/ my husband. Delightful. No banging on the door from kids, being able to watch tv, take a bath, kiss my hubby, wear or not wear clothes. ;) Oh, and take a 4 hour nap in the middle of the day. I'm telling you BLISS. We did venture out to get sushi at some point, it was late, but who cared because we got to sleep in in the a.m. PURE BLISS. When we made it back to the hotel around 10p that night, we went to the hot tub with our little skinny girl margaritas in a coffee to-go cup because we're that cool, and then played ping pong. Again - because we could. It's SO fun reconnecting with your best friend. Jesse truly is my best friend, but sometimes that relationship gets lost between poopy diapers, a crazy daredevil of a 1 year old and refereeing my 4 year olds. We only have 6 more weeks of classes and then my best friend, lover, husband gets to come back to us. After 6 years of seminary, we're ready to serve together, not just do homework and class.
THEN, our Valentine's Day yesterday was a scary one. It sucked, it was draining and a total trigger from 2009. But we got to see God show up, answer prayer, and make us practice patience and trust. For 2 hours yesterday, we thought I had breast cancer. The doctors were convinced that something was going on, and that there was in fact an abnormal lump.
You see, I had gone in for my woman's yearly - NO BIG DEAL. I actually love my doctor and wish I could be her best friend, but I only see her 1x a year. She's so funny, sweet, caring, and GOOD. So in the midst my boob hanging out and her fondling me we were chatting about our newest addition to our family, Miss Sophia Journey and the very free spirit she is. As Dr. W is laughing at the stories I'm telling her of Fia free-falling onto to pillows on the ground from our couch and her constantly said "Fia, get down!" when she climbs on top of tables (YES, she takes the words right out of my mouth and then claps for herself) my doctor's face changed. It became worried, concentrating on something she felt. As soon as she stopped laughing, I remembered a lump I had felt 2 months ago or so, but then life got busy, I forgot, and then I was kicking myself for not remembering.
She immediately had the breast center here get me in (it happened to be next door). I had to wait 30 minutes before I was seen. In that 30 minutes I was having flashbacks of when I went in for a "cold" and came out with cancer Christmas, 2009. This was NOT where I wanted to be. Jesse was at home, but I was told I wouldn't find out any results that day, so it wasn't a big deal for me for him to be there. I also shot out a quick text to my bffs and had them pray for me. I also cried out for God to meet me and for Him to let me know He was there. I was called back to a room, and the ultrasound lady gave me a minute to get undressed. In those 5 minutes when I was alone in the room, my breast, right where the lump was burned so hot and so painfully, I was sure that God had met me. After my ultrasound, a doctor who specializes in breast cancer came in, she immediately found the lump and tried to repeat the ultrasound, but nothing was there. She sent me to get a mammogram right away, and it looked perfect. She was baffled. She told me because I have a higher risk of cancer given my history and family history, that she wanted to check me again in 3 months on a certain day of my cycle (apparently boobs have a "quiet" time...haha) but she thinks she'll declare me as having "no cancer" then. I'm telling you - not a fun 2 hours for either J or myself, but wow - having to trust God in the not knowing, and being able to tell Him I would trust Him even if the worst came to be true was huge for me, for us. He keeps refining us, and it's painful, but at least I see purpose for it. I don't know if that hot feeling/burning sensation was God's healing or Him letting me know He was there, but it was comforting. I'm finally beginning to scrape the surface of what it means for the Almighty God, to be my Abba. For him to not only care for my church community, may family, the CHURCH at large, but me specifically, to love me specifically. To love the one named Brandi, with brown eyes and a lump in her boob. He loves ME. And HE wanted to show me that he was there. THANK YOU JESUS!!
I'm so hoping your Valentine's day was filled with your boobs hanging out, but for a much different and way more fun reason.
x, b
PS, haha about the devotions. I'm so silly - my lovely, pastor of a husband, pointed out to me that I named my kid devotions INDULGENCE which means the full or partial remission of temporal punishment due for sins...OOPS, hopefully I didn't offend anyone. I really meant the opposite of "to fast" which I thought "to endulge" would be good, but wrong spelling makes it completely wrong. GRACE folks. AND, yes. Jesus wasn't tempted by dessert, but in the desert. Maybe a Freudian slip. What can I say?! Here is the updated, for lack of better name: 40 Days of Lent for Kids: DAYS 1-4 and newly added DAYS 5-8
We begin our 24 hours away at a local eatery where everything is grown there - totally fits my philosophy when it comes to food. (If it were up to me, I'd live on a commune with all my friends where we could sustain ourselves and I'd be drinking wine, riding a horse, and wearing a flowy white long skirt. Our kids could run back and forth to our friends home and there'd never be a care in the world, but we'd love Jesus - not one of those cult things that go on... anyone in? Okay, so that was a tangent...) After eating at Greenleaf, where we just shared a salad, we drove down to a dreamland called Carlsbad. A tiny little beach city located about an hour south of us. We ended up at Pizza Port sharing a little pizza and having a beer. Delicious. THEN... we made it to our lovely hotel around 3. As cute as Carlsbad is, we saw NONE OF IT! Seriously, 20 hours in a hotel room w/ my husband. Delightful. No banging on the door from kids, being able to watch tv, take a bath, kiss my hubby, wear or not wear clothes. ;) Oh, and take a 4 hour nap in the middle of the day. I'm telling you BLISS. We did venture out to get sushi at some point, it was late, but who cared because we got to sleep in in the a.m. PURE BLISS. When we made it back to the hotel around 10p that night, we went to the hot tub with our little skinny girl margaritas in a coffee to-go cup because we're that cool, and then played ping pong. Again - because we could. It's SO fun reconnecting with your best friend. Jesse truly is my best friend, but sometimes that relationship gets lost between poopy diapers, a crazy daredevil of a 1 year old and refereeing my 4 year olds. We only have 6 more weeks of classes and then my best friend, lover, husband gets to come back to us. After 6 years of seminary, we're ready to serve together, not just do homework and class.
THEN, our Valentine's Day yesterday was a scary one. It sucked, it was draining and a total trigger from 2009. But we got to see God show up, answer prayer, and make us practice patience and trust. For 2 hours yesterday, we thought I had breast cancer. The doctors were convinced that something was going on, and that there was in fact an abnormal lump.
You see, I had gone in for my woman's yearly - NO BIG DEAL. I actually love my doctor and wish I could be her best friend, but I only see her 1x a year. She's so funny, sweet, caring, and GOOD. So in the midst my boob hanging out and her fondling me we were chatting about our newest addition to our family, Miss Sophia Journey and the very free spirit she is. As Dr. W is laughing at the stories I'm telling her of Fia free-falling onto to pillows on the ground from our couch and her constantly said "Fia, get down!" when she climbs on top of tables (YES, she takes the words right out of my mouth and then claps for herself) my doctor's face changed. It became worried, concentrating on something she felt. As soon as she stopped laughing, I remembered a lump I had felt 2 months ago or so, but then life got busy, I forgot, and then I was kicking myself for not remembering.
She immediately had the breast center here get me in (it happened to be next door). I had to wait 30 minutes before I was seen. In that 30 minutes I was having flashbacks of when I went in for a "cold" and came out with cancer Christmas, 2009. This was NOT where I wanted to be. Jesse was at home, but I was told I wouldn't find out any results that day, so it wasn't a big deal for me for him to be there. I also shot out a quick text to my bffs and had them pray for me. I also cried out for God to meet me and for Him to let me know He was there. I was called back to a room, and the ultrasound lady gave me a minute to get undressed. In those 5 minutes when I was alone in the room, my breast, right where the lump was burned so hot and so painfully, I was sure that God had met me. After my ultrasound, a doctor who specializes in breast cancer came in, she immediately found the lump and tried to repeat the ultrasound, but nothing was there. She sent me to get a mammogram right away, and it looked perfect. She was baffled. She told me because I have a higher risk of cancer given my history and family history, that she wanted to check me again in 3 months on a certain day of my cycle (apparently boobs have a "quiet" time...haha) but she thinks she'll declare me as having "no cancer" then. I'm telling you - not a fun 2 hours for either J or myself, but wow - having to trust God in the not knowing, and being able to tell Him I would trust Him even if the worst came to be true was huge for me, for us. He keeps refining us, and it's painful, but at least I see purpose for it. I don't know if that hot feeling/burning sensation was God's healing or Him letting me know He was there, but it was comforting. I'm finally beginning to scrape the surface of what it means for the Almighty God, to be my Abba. For him to not only care for my church community, may family, the CHURCH at large, but me specifically, to love me specifically. To love the one named Brandi, with brown eyes and a lump in her boob. He loves ME. And HE wanted to show me that he was there. THANK YOU JESUS!!
I'm so hoping your Valentine's day was filled with your boobs hanging out, but for a much different and way more fun reason.
x, b
PS, haha about the devotions. I'm so silly - my lovely, pastor of a husband, pointed out to me that I named my kid devotions INDULGENCE which means the full or partial remission of temporal punishment due for sins...OOPS, hopefully I didn't offend anyone. I really meant the opposite of "to fast" which I thought "to endulge" would be good, but wrong spelling makes it completely wrong. GRACE folks. AND, yes. Jesus wasn't tempted by dessert, but in the desert. Maybe a Freudian slip. What can I say?! Here is the updated, for lack of better name: 40 Days of Lent for Kids: DAYS 1-4 and newly added DAYS 5-8
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
40 Days of Lent for Kids, days1-4
You didn't think I'd do it did you... well, here it is! :) 40 DAYS OF LENT FOR KIDS, DAYS 1-4 Granted it's just days 1-4, but still. SUPER DUPER DISCLAIMER: I'm not computer or blog savvy at all, at all, at all. So, yes - there's probably another way to upload the PDF or get the columns and pictures to align better in the devo - but I'm a crazy busy mama, details are just going to have to slide. (however, if you know a better way - LMK, I love suggestions. Sorry it ain't all pretty.)
Here's my vision for this: I totally stole the idea from the Jesse Tree where you read scripture and color an "ornament" everyday the month leading up to Christmas (I guess I could have just said December, duh - it's been a long day!) teaching you and preparing you for Jesus' birth. Well, although my Christmas tree did just get taken down not too long ago, it's actually not up, so I'm not making ornaments with the kids, but more like stringing the coloring rectangles everyday and hanging the garland, for us - in our entry way so my babes can show off their work to whomever walks in. I'm curious as to what you'll do with yours. Let me know. Share your ideas.
I'm excited to start this journey of Lent with my kiddos and I hope these are encouraging to you as well. Of course, I wrote this with a very specific audience in mind - two 4 year olds and a 1 year old, but even if you have older kids - do the Bible reading together and there's SO much you could discuss. Let me know if you need any direction.
A little secret. I used to be a youth leader in my former life, I mean, I did go to school for Christian Education Leadership and have my degree in youth pastoring...haha. But wow, it feels so long ago so I'm a little rusty, no judging. Plus my sweet age was more like 11-18. I loved those junior high and high schoolers. But hey, now I have myself a young brood. So we're doing bible reading and corny coloring because that's what they love. I hope your babes will like it too.
x, b
Here's my vision for this: I totally stole the idea from the Jesse Tree where you read scripture and color an "ornament" everyday the month leading up to Christmas (I guess I could have just said December, duh - it's been a long day!) teaching you and preparing you for Jesus' birth. Well, although my Christmas tree did just get taken down not too long ago, it's actually not up, so I'm not making ornaments with the kids, but more like stringing the coloring rectangles everyday and hanging the garland, for us - in our entry way so my babes can show off their work to whomever walks in. I'm curious as to what you'll do with yours. Let me know. Share your ideas.
I'm excited to start this journey of Lent with my kiddos and I hope these are encouraging to you as well. Of course, I wrote this with a very specific audience in mind - two 4 year olds and a 1 year old, but even if you have older kids - do the Bible reading together and there's SO much you could discuss. Let me know if you need any direction.
A little secret. I used to be a youth leader in my former life, I mean, I did go to school for Christian Education Leadership and have my degree in youth pastoring...haha. But wow, it feels so long ago so I'm a little rusty, no judging. Plus my sweet age was more like 11-18. I loved those junior high and high schoolers. But hey, now I have myself a young brood. So we're doing bible reading and corny coloring because that's what they love. I hope your babes will like it too.
x, b
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Yes, it's been awhile!
Oh it's been a hell of a season over here, hence the absence of me. Well, let me keep it short (ha!) - I'm so incredibly rejuvenated and I'm about to explode, there's so much I want to tell you. But really, God is so gracious to me and for some reason, lets me in. Why? I have no idea. But, I am excited to tell you that I'm inspired. Inspired to invite you into my Fast for Lent, but really it's not a fast at all - it's an overindulgence - I guess? Is that the opposite of fasting? Well, let's be honest - I suck at fasting, or giving up anything and when I try it's all vanity related. "I'm fasting carbs, sweets, wine, and more wine for Jesus." (haha - or so I can fit into a bikini which I haven't even become close to doing for the last 5 years???) So, this year, God has invited me to spend more time with Him and really pouring His love and His STORY into my family these next 40 days. Here's a little glimpse of how He called me to this unique fast this season.
Sammy, is my almost 5 year old, going to 10! (He's from Ghana and we really don't know his age - we, along with our agency made the best educated guess we could - but I think we're a little off. That, or God gave me a really really intelligent and smart little booger. Sometimes too smart for his own good.) Anywhoo... here are some questions my little boy has been pondering and asking over the last few days:
"Mom, did Jesus get hurt while he was on the cross?...Does it hurt to die?... I don't exactly get why it was fair for him to die when he did nothing wrong. So, it was a nail like this (as he holds up a fork from the silverware drawer) that someone pounded into Jesus' wrists that starts on top and then goes all the way through? Who could do that to someone? Why didn't His Dad stop it? Isn't His dad, God? My daddy would never let something like that happen." And you wonder why I don't think he's 4 1/2 years old.
We did a Jesse Tree project for Advent where we read a certain Bible Story every day followed by some coloring/craft of some sort leading up to Christmas. Oh yes, I didn't do them some of the days while others we doubled up - so eventually they all got hung and the kids literally BEGGED me to do them everyday. I loved this idea so much that I've been on the hunt for a Lent version - I cannot, for the life of me find one. So - I guess I'll invent my own to share with you. :) I'm partnering it up with some Bible verses our church is reflecting on every day and I'm really excited to see how God pours into my kids, myself, and my husband these next 40 days and I hope that you'll comeback tomorrow and check out what I've put together. In the meantime, check out I WAS A STRANGER for verses that we'll be reflecting on.
I'm hoping you too will join me in a little Jesus indulgence too this season. My hope is that my daily reflections that I post here will be encouragement for you, if I'm honest - that they'd really be encouraging to me!! I find Jesus meets me when I write, maybe because it's one of the only times I'm not distracted by the 3 beauties he gave me. Crazy huh, when you slow down, you hear the voice of God. It's not that He is always quiet, it's that He's often drowned out by chaos, poopy diapers, arguing kids, even laughter and silliness.
x, b
Sammy, is my almost 5 year old, going to 10! (He's from Ghana and we really don't know his age - we, along with our agency made the best educated guess we could - but I think we're a little off. That, or God gave me a really really intelligent and smart little booger. Sometimes too smart for his own good.) Anywhoo... here are some questions my little boy has been pondering and asking over the last few days:
"Mom, did Jesus get hurt while he was on the cross?...Does it hurt to die?... I don't exactly get why it was fair for him to die when he did nothing wrong. So, it was a nail like this (as he holds up a fork from the silverware drawer) that someone pounded into Jesus' wrists that starts on top and then goes all the way through? Who could do that to someone? Why didn't His Dad stop it? Isn't His dad, God? My daddy would never let something like that happen." And you wonder why I don't think he's 4 1/2 years old.
We did a Jesse Tree project for Advent where we read a certain Bible Story every day followed by some coloring/craft of some sort leading up to Christmas. Oh yes, I didn't do them some of the days while others we doubled up - so eventually they all got hung and the kids literally BEGGED me to do them everyday. I loved this idea so much that I've been on the hunt for a Lent version - I cannot, for the life of me find one. So - I guess I'll invent my own to share with you. :) I'm partnering it up with some Bible verses our church is reflecting on every day and I'm really excited to see how God pours into my kids, myself, and my husband these next 40 days and I hope that you'll comeback tomorrow and check out what I've put together. In the meantime, check out I WAS A STRANGER for verses that we'll be reflecting on.
I'm hoping you too will join me in a little Jesus indulgence too this season. My hope is that my daily reflections that I post here will be encouragement for you, if I'm honest - that they'd really be encouraging to me!! I find Jesus meets me when I write, maybe because it's one of the only times I'm not distracted by the 3 beauties he gave me. Crazy huh, when you slow down, you hear the voice of God. It's not that He is always quiet, it's that He's often drowned out by chaos, poopy diapers, arguing kids, even laughter and silliness.
x, b
Friday, August 31, 2012
I'm going to lose friends over this one...
So I feel like I should say why I've been absent, yet again... family. rest. vacation. family. blah blah blah. Summer is OVER! (well for us, ha, not so much! It's like so hot, I don't even shower anymore because I sweat more after the shower and hardly anyone who isn't in a million $ home has ac by the beach. And, let me tell ya, the little window units don't really do anything for our set up - open living, dining, kitchen...too big of space to cool down. First world problems, yep!) Anyways, I'm so ready for the fall. Our summers are crazy busy and this fall is hopefully one of rest (idiot - you have three kids 4 and under. This does not equal rest). But I tell you, I have only committed to 3 things a week. Nurture, (my mom's group at my old church, yes old - shut up, I love that group and I'm not leaving them. My best friends are there.) And my new mom's group (at my new church- YES, shut up. My "going to be" new best friends are there. Haven't you heard the song, "Make new friends, but keep the old...") And thirdly, being a life group leader at our new church. MMMMmmmm... I LOVE my new church. I kinda wish I could french kiss it, I love it so much. I'm just so excited about what is happening at my little community. Jes and I were asked to share a little on Sunday morning about caring for orphans and adoption (in our series, Who Is My Neighbor). I can't say much more or I'll spoil it, but I'm just really excited.
Ok, so our church. Series. Who is my neighbor. Last week we talked about loving our vulnerable neighbor, including our undocumented neighbors. Yes! And I LOVE it. (Lets not debate this now - lets just be Jesus to the ones who are here) This spurred on a thought, accompanied with conversations I have had with new and old dear friends, let me tell ya lovies, that I CANNOT get out of my head. This is where I'm going to lose friends... wait for it.
Background A, brief. ha! Sammy, to send or not to send to K next year at 5.5?? Thinking maybe yes, instead of my original plan of sending both my twins at 6.5 and 6. (another debate for another time). We are in an amazing school zone (not all schools in our district are deemed "amazing" by others). We might get kicked out of our home if our new owners knock our place down to build million $ town homes in place of our single family home and the duplexes that surround it. Where to live? Half of our friends live on the east side of town (where we are now) Half live on the other side of the freeway 1 mile from us in an area we'll call C.P. Beautiful homes. Amazing community of people. School in the neighbor that NO ONE SENDS THEIR KIDS TO. Why?, you ask. Well, lets go back to our undocumented neighbors. Rumor has it, that the majority of the attendance of the school is Spanish speaking with no to little papers. MY GUESS, is that there isn't much parent involvement due to a) fear of judgment, b) don't feel equipped, c) doesn't know that they are needed or wanted. Pure speculation.
Background B. I'm a teacher. Credentialed K-8. I taught in this district. Not at CP school. I did do my student teaching at a school "like" CP. At the time, my thought was "if ever I have a blond hair, blue eye babe - they will not go here because the one that does is pushed into a corner and does busy work all day while I try to get the other 25 kids in my 2nd grade class to learn their colors and letters IN ENGLISH."
Background C. (where I might begin to lose some conservative friends....) Totally off topic, but a "must know" for this. Jesse and I LOVE the LGBT community (is that PC anymore?). We HATE how the CHURCH at large treats this community like the "least of these" because they are absolutely NOT. And, I'm so sorry to all my friends who have been damned by the church. Sometimes I think, man - the JESUS that the "Church" is portraying is not the Jesus I know. Another post for another time. I also know some of my friends in this community who HATE Jesus because of how the Church has treated them and I HATE that. I think Jesus mourns over his children treating his other children like sh*t. All that to say, Jes and I have thought about (don't make plans because God always changes them... yata yata yata.) uprooting our family one day and getting 10 of our friends to uproot their families and all move into the middle of this community in San Fran to do nothing but live and do life and show them a different Jesus with NO strings attached. To become their friends because we want to. To live in their community because we WANT to. We would not be moving there so they will lose the lifestyle (is it wrong even? again, another post on my liberal thoughts another day ... and I just lost more friends. haha.). And we wouldn't be moving there to make some straighties...hahahaha! NO. That's a preposterous thought, if you ask me. We just want to radiate the love of our Jesus, so that our friends can meet this Jesus and love this Jesus that I know. HE gets to do the changing if any changing needs to be done.
Wrestling thought now (and here's where I lose a bazillion friends...friends that I lose now, I LOVE YOU, don't hate me, I'm not judging, I'm not in your shoes yet... but I'm praying to be in your shoes, I think??!)... If I'm willing to uproot my family and 10 other families and plant us in a community that is liberal in every way possible (I'm not just talking about lifestyle), then why the hell am I not willing to uproot myself and 10 other families to invade this school. OH WAIT, 10 of my friends live in that community already! Why hasn't this happened yet? I know that my community (friends) pour into this school, but why won't they send their kids there? Couldn't much more be done to further the kingdom if we reached out to this school is such a radical way. (I have done absolutely 0 research, haven't talked to the principal, haven't visited the school. These are just questions I am having).
I hear this from most of my friends, "But my kid loses out on good education." ok, I get that, but the school is going to have to change if we all send our kinders there next year - all 10 of us. Plus, again, coming from a former k-8 teacher and a reading specialist, it's kindergarten. You can supplement at home. You CAN. You can probably supplement until 3rd grade pretty easily. 5th grade, maybe not so much for the typical parent. This is NOT to say that kindergarten teachers are worthless. They are absolutely valuable. There are parents everywhere that in any given month would rather take a gun shot to the abdomen then to have their kid plus 25 other 5 year old kids over to teach them every day. Not me, I LOVE kindergarten. In 5 years, if you're hiring... pick me!
My question: What is education? Is it merely reading, math, science, writing, art, oh ya - history, I hate history? Or is it life skills as well? Is it kingdom teaching? Is it teaching diversity? Is it befriending these kids who aren't like your family and then maybe one day that will have an adverse affect. Can I dare say, "Johnny's" whole life course could be changed because his parents and him know YOUR family. One less gang member? One more college student? One more teacher one day? One more soul in Heaven???? One more teacher blessed by the extra help and love from our families? One more family (you?) learning what it means to "love your neighbors?" To do LIFE with your neighbors?
This ISN'T a "WHITES, LETS TAKE OVER THE CP SCHOOL!" (duh, Sammy is black guys) It's a call to Christians who live in that community to come together and do life together. Not just with the other white, middle class folk, but life WITH YOUR NIEIGHBORS... ALL OF THEM! It's a call to stop lying about your address so that your kid can attend another school in another district. It's a call to love on our neighbors, all of them, despite WHO they are or what documents they have. (again, don't start flooding my blog with comments about border control) Regardless if you like it or not, they are YOUR neighbors and Jesus is very clear that we are to love them. Yes yes yes, and to follow the rules of the land... but lucky for us, we make those rules! :) So, go to your local town hall meeting and fight for them to stay here now. (wow, the blood is just dripping from my heart tonight!) (I might need to tame down if I'm going to be a pastor's wife, but I'm not one yet... not until March baby!)
But, seriously, what's it going to do if 1 family doesn't transfer out? Very little. What will it do if all of the families that I know DON'T transfer out and send their kids there? More than very little . And, from one planner to the next, Jesus could come back before tomorrow - so why the heck are you worrying about what high school your kids are going to in 9 years? He IS coming back before my kids hit 13 because dude, I can't deal with teens. Karma's a b*+@h and we all know what kind of teenager I was.
Easy for me to tell you what to do, huh? Yep, totally is. But, I kinda pray that the Lord leads us over there so that I can partner along side of you and send my kids.
KNOW, that I don't look at you with judging eyes, although you don't believe me right now. I swear to you. I love you all. And, I hope that you let me wrestle this one out loud. You might laugh at me one day, and I might laugh at me one day about this. Or, you may never speak to me again. I definitely told Jesse last year before we moved to our house now, it HAS to been in the east side because of the school. I just wish that I would have thought about that more. And if you take NOTHING away from this, well, at least you gave your eyes a good workout. Don't hate me, please give me grace. I'm just stumbling down this road called life, trying to decipher between rebellion by my nature and this thing called conviction that looks like rebellion sometimes to the world's eyes.
x, b
Ok, so our church. Series. Who is my neighbor. Last week we talked about loving our vulnerable neighbor, including our undocumented neighbors. Yes! And I LOVE it. (Lets not debate this now - lets just be Jesus to the ones who are here) This spurred on a thought, accompanied with conversations I have had with new and old dear friends, let me tell ya lovies, that I CANNOT get out of my head. This is where I'm going to lose friends... wait for it.
Background A, brief. ha! Sammy, to send or not to send to K next year at 5.5?? Thinking maybe yes, instead of my original plan of sending both my twins at 6.5 and 6. (another debate for another time). We are in an amazing school zone (not all schools in our district are deemed "amazing" by others). We might get kicked out of our home if our new owners knock our place down to build million $ town homes in place of our single family home and the duplexes that surround it. Where to live? Half of our friends live on the east side of town (where we are now) Half live on the other side of the freeway 1 mile from us in an area we'll call C.P. Beautiful homes. Amazing community of people. School in the neighbor that NO ONE SENDS THEIR KIDS TO. Why?, you ask. Well, lets go back to our undocumented neighbors. Rumor has it, that the majority of the attendance of the school is Spanish speaking with no to little papers. MY GUESS, is that there isn't much parent involvement due to a) fear of judgment, b) don't feel equipped, c) doesn't know that they are needed or wanted. Pure speculation.
Background B. I'm a teacher. Credentialed K-8. I taught in this district. Not at CP school. I did do my student teaching at a school "like" CP. At the time, my thought was "if ever I have a blond hair, blue eye babe - they will not go here because the one that does is pushed into a corner and does busy work all day while I try to get the other 25 kids in my 2nd grade class to learn their colors and letters IN ENGLISH."
Background C. (where I might begin to lose some conservative friends....) Totally off topic, but a "must know" for this. Jesse and I LOVE the LGBT community (is that PC anymore?). We HATE how the CHURCH at large treats this community like the "least of these" because they are absolutely NOT. And, I'm so sorry to all my friends who have been damned by the church. Sometimes I think, man - the JESUS that the "Church" is portraying is not the Jesus I know. Another post for another time. I also know some of my friends in this community who HATE Jesus because of how the Church has treated them and I HATE that. I think Jesus mourns over his children treating his other children like sh*t. All that to say, Jes and I have thought about (don't make plans because God always changes them... yata yata yata.) uprooting our family one day and getting 10 of our friends to uproot their families and all move into the middle of this community in San Fran to do nothing but live and do life and show them a different Jesus with NO strings attached. To become their friends because we want to. To live in their community because we WANT to. We would not be moving there so they will lose the lifestyle (is it wrong even? again, another post on my liberal thoughts another day ... and I just lost more friends. haha.). And we wouldn't be moving there to make some straighties...hahahaha! NO. That's a preposterous thought, if you ask me. We just want to radiate the love of our Jesus, so that our friends can meet this Jesus and love this Jesus that I know. HE gets to do the changing if any changing needs to be done.
Wrestling thought now (and here's where I lose a bazillion friends...friends that I lose now, I LOVE YOU, don't hate me, I'm not judging, I'm not in your shoes yet... but I'm praying to be in your shoes, I think??!)... If I'm willing to uproot my family and 10 other families and plant us in a community that is liberal in every way possible (I'm not just talking about lifestyle), then why the hell am I not willing to uproot myself and 10 other families to invade this school. OH WAIT, 10 of my friends live in that community already! Why hasn't this happened yet? I know that my community (friends) pour into this school, but why won't they send their kids there? Couldn't much more be done to further the kingdom if we reached out to this school is such a radical way. (I have done absolutely 0 research, haven't talked to the principal, haven't visited the school. These are just questions I am having).
I hear this from most of my friends, "But my kid loses out on good education." ok, I get that, but the school is going to have to change if we all send our kinders there next year - all 10 of us. Plus, again, coming from a former k-8 teacher and a reading specialist, it's kindergarten. You can supplement at home. You CAN. You can probably supplement until 3rd grade pretty easily. 5th grade, maybe not so much for the typical parent. This is NOT to say that kindergarten teachers are worthless. They are absolutely valuable. There are parents everywhere that in any given month would rather take a gun shot to the abdomen then to have their kid plus 25 other 5 year old kids over to teach them every day. Not me, I LOVE kindergarten. In 5 years, if you're hiring... pick me!
My question: What is education? Is it merely reading, math, science, writing, art, oh ya - history, I hate history? Or is it life skills as well? Is it kingdom teaching? Is it teaching diversity? Is it befriending these kids who aren't like your family and then maybe one day that will have an adverse affect. Can I dare say, "Johnny's" whole life course could be changed because his parents and him know YOUR family. One less gang member? One more college student? One more teacher one day? One more soul in Heaven???? One more teacher blessed by the extra help and love from our families? One more family (you?) learning what it means to "love your neighbors?" To do LIFE with your neighbors?
This ISN'T a "WHITES, LETS TAKE OVER THE CP SCHOOL!" (duh, Sammy is black guys) It's a call to Christians who live in that community to come together and do life together. Not just with the other white, middle class folk, but life WITH YOUR NIEIGHBORS... ALL OF THEM! It's a call to stop lying about your address so that your kid can attend another school in another district. It's a call to love on our neighbors, all of them, despite WHO they are or what documents they have. (again, don't start flooding my blog with comments about border control) Regardless if you like it or not, they are YOUR neighbors and Jesus is very clear that we are to love them. Yes yes yes, and to follow the rules of the land... but lucky for us, we make those rules! :) So, go to your local town hall meeting and fight for them to stay here now. (wow, the blood is just dripping from my heart tonight!) (I might need to tame down if I'm going to be a pastor's wife, but I'm not one yet... not until March baby!)
But, seriously, what's it going to do if 1 family doesn't transfer out? Very little. What will it do if all of the families that I know DON'T transfer out and send their kids there? More than very little . And, from one planner to the next, Jesus could come back before tomorrow - so why the heck are you worrying about what high school your kids are going to in 9 years? He IS coming back before my kids hit 13 because dude, I can't deal with teens. Karma's a b*+@h and we all know what kind of teenager I was.
Easy for me to tell you what to do, huh? Yep, totally is. But, I kinda pray that the Lord leads us over there so that I can partner along side of you and send my kids.
KNOW, that I don't look at you with judging eyes, although you don't believe me right now. I swear to you. I love you all. And, I hope that you let me wrestle this one out loud. You might laugh at me one day, and I might laugh at me one day about this. Or, you may never speak to me again. I definitely told Jesse last year before we moved to our house now, it HAS to been in the east side because of the school. I just wish that I would have thought about that more. And if you take NOTHING away from this, well, at least you gave your eyes a good workout. Don't hate me, please give me grace. I'm just stumbling down this road called life, trying to decipher between rebellion by my nature and this thing called conviction that looks like rebellion sometimes to the world's eyes.
x, b
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Miss Me Much?
Oh my, this is quite laughable. Literally the last post I began to write, like 2 weeks ago ended with "and shoot, I'm dreading this media fast that I am a getting ready to embark on. Lord, I need your help." and CRASH my computer came down. Seriously, shut off, wouldn't turn back on. Luckily, our dear friend is an IT guy (didn't know that, although there's a hint of dorkiness in him - shoulda known. ;) j/k Matt).
Anywhoo... Saint (when I just typed it, I accidentally spelled Satan...whoa, haha) Matt laid hands on our computer and prayed because there was stuff that I just couldn't lose, like pictures, Jesse's homework, adoption stuff, etc. Apparently there is maintenance that one is supposed to do with a computer to make it last. Well, clearly my cool husband and I are far above this dorkiness to hold this nonsense in our mind. But, nonsense it's not. Apparently, our computer history had never been cleared...and guess what Matt said... "It would totally explain their problem if I find a ton of porn on here." But, ye of little faith, there was no porn... just adoption stuff. Thousands and thousands of adoption sites, cloth diapering online stores, a few articles on how to make your own laundry soap, the occasional theology website and homeschooling blogs. haha... want to know who someone is, look at their computer history. Guess we're not that cool after all. We're (Jesse will argue it's not him, he just lives with me) a big bunch of passionate dorks who are ignorant in how to take care of a computer. And funny thing is, we don't even have our computer back. Jesse borrowed Matt's wife, Shannon's, computer so he could do school work and while J's at work, I high jacked it. Now, how smart is Matt really??? Letting us dumb-ass ignorant computer people use HIS/Shannon's computer.
Well, let's catch up friends! What did you do the last 2 weeks? Well, for me - it's been quite eventful, but I wish there was still less of a presence of tv. Seriously, I'm not an alcoholic, not a drug addict, but I really think I'm addicted to television. Why can't I be addicted to working out??? More on that in a few. I'll just hit the BIG points.
1) I'm CANCER FREE!!! Maybe I mentioned that in my previous post a couple of weeks ago, but guys, it's worth mentioning again. I was terrified it was back, the doctor made me nervous, and I seriously thought this round I was going to die. I was seriously, intentionally giving my kids "good memories" so if I died, they would remember how much fun mom was, although I'm not that fun. But, this scared mom let them have Popsicles for lunch one day and we ran through the sprinklers with our clothes on and then rolled around in mud. And, one day, we didn't even get dressed. We just read books and watched movies while eating popcorn in our pjs all day. Why does it take me thinking I'm dying to let loose sometimes? That's so stupid. So, I hope to continue to pull the stick out of my own butt more often, and drink more wine. Maybe there is a correlation? But who knows, maybe the cancer was back and God took it away? All I know is that God met me in my fear and my heart even began to soften and think, "I really do want Jesse to be happy and for the kids to have a mom if I die, so maybe I'd be okay if he remarried." But here's the real issue, I don't want to share my mansion in Heaven with Jesse and the other woman and ALL our kids, bc I'm sure they'll have like 5 of their own... seriously? NO. He's my man, and he's not supposed look at another woman the way he does me, even if I'm dead, right? Jealous much? Well, really, I'm not jealous now, but the dead me is totally jealous. God and I need to work this out. But, seriously, I'd rather Jes just fine a lovely, gay woman to give him companionship and love on my kids. I could totally share my house with her in Heaven. Just no bed sharing in Heaven. Man. I. NEED. TO. STOP.
2) We had 2 of our nieces, 9 and 5 spend the night with us for a cousin sleep over. Please shoot me in the foot if I say in the next year that I'd like to adopt 2 more kids. (haha, as I'm proof reading I noticed I just said the next year, I didn't say ever! :) ) My nieces are amazing. I love them. They are the best behaved and HELPFUL little girls ever. It's just that 5 is WAY more than 3. My sister-in-law deserves mom of the year award. 5 kids 9 and under and she is so grace filled and doesn't even drink. She's nursing right now and is SOnot like me not the mom who would have a glass of wine while nursing. On the way home from the beach with all 5, I made J stop at the store to get us more booze just to make it through the night.
3) this is a big one guys. "Bug (what I call J), I'm ready. If you feel like God can use you and grow you here, us here (at the new church, previously called the other woman), if you feel like this should become our new family and new home, I will jump in feet first with you." Tears are seriously pouring down my face as I'm typing because there is excitement but so much mourning going on inside me. I don't have to tell you again, but I LOVE my (not quite old) church, my family there. It feels like home. It feels safe. It feels like Jesus to me. It's really where I first encountered Jesus and KNEW it. I feel like God is giving me a picture now, this very moment... so I'm going to type it:
I feel like at my old church, Jesus started to really shape this plant, tend to this plant who was in a little clay jar. And by no means is the plant beautiful in her own eyes, but yet God is still pruning it and loves it, and calls it beautiful. But this plant has almost outgrown her little clay pot. It's now time for her gardener to transplant her into a larger clay pot and it hurts, it disrupts her. But here, in this large clay pot, there is room for her to grow, room for her to learn that she is exactly who her God made her to be. Not a tiny stem with a little bud, but maybe a full plant with life. There is room for her to see herself beautiful as she starts to see the fruit that is able to be born from her, because there is room and because God moved her.
Now that I'm totally bawling, this encourages me. Makes me want to throw up a little, because so often I forget that God actually sees me, cares about me, loves me, could call me by name... not just Brandi who went to RockHarbor, but Brandi his precious daughter whom He created to love. So if you hear nothing from this whole post, hear that GOD LOVES YOU. YOU. HE MADE YOU UNIQUELY. AND HE KNOWS YOU BY NAME. And keep reminding me of that because I forget all too often. I just wonder how many times in my life, I've tried to be someone else because I look up to them, because I think they hear from God way more than I do, because I love their clothes and shoes and self confidence. But I wonder how many opportunities were wasted for kingdom work because the ME he made me to be, I was not confident in and I missed it because I was trying to be someone more spiritual, more cool, more dorky even, who would never go "there" or talk to "him" or do "that" for a job. There is grace from our Savior, I know, so I won't dwell on the missed opportunities, and neither should you. But I want to be encouraged, I want you to be encouraged, that God made you YOU so that He could use YOU and your uniqueness to touch unique people who would respond to accepting His love through the very unique, YOU.
Not at all where I saw this post going... but I want to stop there. That is enough for me to process and sit with for one night. I'll get to the not so perfect media fast soon. Ironically, I'm going to need some accountability from the blog to hold me to less media. ha! I'll explain later.
Much love to you not only from me, but from God. He genuinely loves YOU, even if you don't quite love him yet, or even like him at all. He's okay with you where you are right now. But He longs for you to know his love, even if it's on your terms for right now. It doesn't change how he feels about you.
xo,
b
Anywhoo... Saint (when I just typed it, I accidentally spelled Satan...whoa, haha) Matt laid hands on our computer and prayed because there was stuff that I just couldn't lose, like pictures, Jesse's homework, adoption stuff, etc. Apparently there is maintenance that one is supposed to do with a computer to make it last. Well, clearly my cool husband and I are far above this dorkiness to hold this nonsense in our mind. But, nonsense it's not. Apparently, our computer history had never been cleared...and guess what Matt said... "It would totally explain their problem if I find a ton of porn on here." But, ye of little faith, there was no porn... just adoption stuff. Thousands and thousands of adoption sites, cloth diapering online stores, a few articles on how to make your own laundry soap, the occasional theology website and homeschooling blogs. haha... want to know who someone is, look at their computer history. Guess we're not that cool after all. We're (Jesse will argue it's not him, he just lives with me) a big bunch of passionate dorks who are ignorant in how to take care of a computer. And funny thing is, we don't even have our computer back. Jesse borrowed Matt's wife, Shannon's, computer so he could do school work and while J's at work, I high jacked it. Now, how smart is Matt really??? Letting us dumb-ass ignorant computer people use HIS/Shannon's computer.
Well, let's catch up friends! What did you do the last 2 weeks? Well, for me - it's been quite eventful, but I wish there was still less of a presence of tv. Seriously, I'm not an alcoholic, not a drug addict, but I really think I'm addicted to television. Why can't I be addicted to working out??? More on that in a few. I'll just hit the BIG points.
1) I'm CANCER FREE!!! Maybe I mentioned that in my previous post a couple of weeks ago, but guys, it's worth mentioning again. I was terrified it was back, the doctor made me nervous, and I seriously thought this round I was going to die. I was seriously, intentionally giving my kids "good memories" so if I died, they would remember how much fun mom was, although I'm not that fun. But, this scared mom let them have Popsicles for lunch one day and we ran through the sprinklers with our clothes on and then rolled around in mud. And, one day, we didn't even get dressed. We just read books and watched movies while eating popcorn in our pjs all day. Why does it take me thinking I'm dying to let loose sometimes? That's so stupid. So, I hope to continue to pull the stick out of my own butt more often, and drink more wine. Maybe there is a correlation? But who knows, maybe the cancer was back and God took it away? All I know is that God met me in my fear and my heart even began to soften and think, "I really do want Jesse to be happy and for the kids to have a mom if I die, so maybe I'd be okay if he remarried." But here's the real issue, I don't want to share my mansion in Heaven with Jesse and the other woman and ALL our kids, bc I'm sure they'll have like 5 of their own... seriously? NO. He's my man, and he's not supposed look at another woman the way he does me, even if I'm dead, right? Jealous much? Well, really, I'm not jealous now, but the dead me is totally jealous. God and I need to work this out. But, seriously, I'd rather Jes just fine a lovely, gay woman to give him companionship and love on my kids. I could totally share my house with her in Heaven. Just no bed sharing in Heaven. Man. I. NEED. TO. STOP.
2) We had 2 of our nieces, 9 and 5 spend the night with us for a cousin sleep over. Please shoot me in the foot if I say in the next year that I'd like to adopt 2 more kids. (haha, as I'm proof reading I noticed I just said the next year, I didn't say ever! :) ) My nieces are amazing. I love them. They are the best behaved and HELPFUL little girls ever. It's just that 5 is WAY more than 3. My sister-in-law deserves mom of the year award. 5 kids 9 and under and she is so grace filled and doesn't even drink. She's nursing right now and is SO
3) this is a big one guys. "Bug (what I call J), I'm ready. If you feel like God can use you and grow you here, us here (at the new church, previously called the other woman), if you feel like this should become our new family and new home, I will jump in feet first with you." Tears are seriously pouring down my face as I'm typing because there is excitement but so much mourning going on inside me. I don't have to tell you again, but I LOVE my (not quite old) church, my family there. It feels like home. It feels safe. It feels like Jesus to me. It's really where I first encountered Jesus and KNEW it. I feel like God is giving me a picture now, this very moment... so I'm going to type it:
I feel like at my old church, Jesus started to really shape this plant, tend to this plant who was in a little clay jar. And by no means is the plant beautiful in her own eyes, but yet God is still pruning it and loves it, and calls it beautiful. But this plant has almost outgrown her little clay pot. It's now time for her gardener to transplant her into a larger clay pot and it hurts, it disrupts her. But here, in this large clay pot, there is room for her to grow, room for her to learn that she is exactly who her God made her to be. Not a tiny stem with a little bud, but maybe a full plant with life. There is room for her to see herself beautiful as she starts to see the fruit that is able to be born from her, because there is room and because God moved her.
Now that I'm totally bawling, this encourages me. Makes me want to throw up a little, because so often I forget that God actually sees me, cares about me, loves me, could call me by name... not just Brandi who went to RockHarbor, but Brandi his precious daughter whom He created to love. So if you hear nothing from this whole post, hear that GOD LOVES YOU. YOU. HE MADE YOU UNIQUELY. AND HE KNOWS YOU BY NAME. And keep reminding me of that because I forget all too often. I just wonder how many times in my life, I've tried to be someone else because I look up to them, because I think they hear from God way more than I do, because I love their clothes and shoes and self confidence. But I wonder how many opportunities were wasted for kingdom work because the ME he made me to be, I was not confident in and I missed it because I was trying to be someone more spiritual, more cool, more dorky even, who would never go "there" or talk to "him" or do "that" for a job. There is grace from our Savior, I know, so I won't dwell on the missed opportunities, and neither should you. But I want to be encouraged, I want you to be encouraged, that God made you YOU so that He could use YOU and your uniqueness to touch unique people who would respond to accepting His love through the very unique, YOU.
Not at all where I saw this post going... but I want to stop there. That is enough for me to process and sit with for one night. I'll get to the not so perfect media fast soon. Ironically, I'm going to need some accountability from the blog to hold me to less media. ha! I'll explain later.
Much love to you not only from me, but from God. He genuinely loves YOU, even if you don't quite love him yet, or even like him at all. He's okay with you where you are right now. But He longs for you to know his love, even if it's on your terms for right now. It doesn't change how he feels about you.
xo,
b
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