Friday, February 15, 2013

God meets us even in the tests! (and link to new kid devos at bottom)

Oh lovie ones.  How was your Valentine's Day?  We celebrated a little early, on Monday with a MUCH needed overnight, away from the kids.  It was pure bliss.  Let me let you live vicariously through me just for a moment...

We begin our 24 hours away at a local eatery where everything is grown there - totally fits my philosophy when it comes to food.  (If it were up to me, I'd live on a commune with all my friends where we could sustain ourselves and I'd be drinking wine, riding a horse, and wearing a flowy white long skirt.  Our kids could run back and forth to our friends home and there'd never be a care in the world, but we'd love Jesus - not one of those cult things that go on... anyone in?  Okay, so that was a tangent...)  After eating at Greenleaf, where we just shared a salad, we drove down to a dreamland called Carlsbad.  A tiny little beach city located about an hour south of us.  We ended up at Pizza Port sharing a little pizza and having a beer.  Delicious.  THEN... we made it to our lovely hotel around 3.  As cute as Carlsbad is, we saw NONE OF IT!  Seriously, 20 hours in a hotel room w/ my husband.  Delightful.  No banging on the door from kids, being able to watch tv, take a bath, kiss my hubby, wear or not wear clothes. ;)  Oh, and take a 4 hour nap in the middle of the day.  I'm telling you BLISS.  We did venture out to get sushi at some point, it was late, but who cared because we got to sleep in in the a.m.  PURE BLISS.  When we made it back to the hotel around 10p that night, we went to the hot tub with our little skinny girl margaritas in a coffee to-go cup because we're that cool, and then played ping pong. Again - because we could.  It's SO fun reconnecting with your best friend.  Jesse truly is my best friend, but sometimes that relationship gets lost between poopy diapers, a crazy daredevil of a 1 year old and refereeing my 4 year olds.  We only have 6 more weeks of classes and then my best friend, lover, husband gets to come back to us.  After 6 years of seminary, we're ready to serve together, not just do homework and class.

THEN, our Valentine's Day yesterday was a scary one.  It sucked, it was draining and a total trigger from 2009.  But we got to see God show up, answer prayer, and make us practice patience and trust.  For 2 hours yesterday, we thought I had breast cancer.  The doctors were convinced that something was going on, and that there was in fact an abnormal lump.

You see, I had gone in for my woman's yearly - NO BIG DEAL.  I actually love my doctor and wish I could be her best friend, but I only see her 1x a year.  She's so funny, sweet, caring, and GOOD.  So in the midst my boob hanging out and her fondling me we were chatting about our newest addition to our family, Miss Sophia Journey and the very free spirit she is.  As Dr. W is laughing at the stories I'm telling her of Fia free-falling onto to pillows on the ground from our couch and her constantly said "Fia, get down!" when she climbs on top of tables (YES, she takes the words right out of my mouth and then claps for herself) my doctor's face changed.  It became worried, concentrating on something she felt.  As soon as she stopped laughing, I remembered a lump I had felt 2 months ago or so, but then life got busy, I forgot, and then I was kicking myself for not remembering.

She immediately had the breast center here get me in (it happened to be next door).  I had to wait 30 minutes before I was seen.  In that 30 minutes I was having flashbacks of when I went in for a "cold" and came out with cancer Christmas, 2009.  This was NOT where I wanted to be.  Jesse was at home, but I was told I wouldn't find out any results that day, so it wasn't a big deal for me for him to be there.  I also shot out a quick text to my bffs and had them pray for me.  I also cried out for God to meet me and for Him to let me know He was there.  I was called back to a room, and the ultrasound lady gave me a minute to get undressed.  In those 5 minutes when I was alone in the room, my breast, right where the lump was burned so hot and so painfully, I was sure that God had met me.  After my ultrasound, a doctor who specializes in breast cancer came in, she immediately found the lump and tried to repeat the ultrasound, but nothing was there.  She sent me to get a mammogram right away, and it looked perfect.  She was baffled.  She told me because I have a higher risk of cancer given my history and family history, that she wanted to check me again in 3 months on a certain day of my cycle (apparently boobs have a "quiet" time...haha) but she thinks she'll declare me as having "no cancer" then.  I'm telling you - not a fun 2 hours for either J or myself, but wow - having to trust God in the not knowing, and being able to tell Him I would trust Him even if the worst came to be true was huge for me, for us.  He keeps refining us, and it's painful, but at least I see purpose for it.  I don't know if that hot feeling/burning sensation was God's healing or Him letting me know He was there, but it was comforting.  I'm finally beginning to scrape the surface of what it means for the Almighty God, to be my Abba.  For him to not only care for my church community, may family, the CHURCH at large, but me specifically, to love me specifically.  To love the one named Brandi, with brown eyes and a lump in her boob.  He loves ME.  And HE wanted to show me that he was there.  THANK YOU JESUS!!

I'm so hoping your Valentine's day was filled with your boobs hanging out, but for a much different and way more fun reason.

x, b

PS, haha about the devotions.  I'm so silly - my lovely, pastor of a husband, pointed out to me that I named my kid devotions INDULGENCE which means the full or partial remission of temporal punishment due for sins...OOPS, hopefully I didn't offend anyone.  I really meant the opposite of "to fast" which I thought "to endulge" would be good, but wrong spelling makes it completely wrong.  GRACE folks.  AND, yes. Jesus wasn't tempted by dessert, but in the desert.  Maybe a Freudian slip.  What can I say?!  Here is the updated, for lack of better name: 40 Days of Lent for Kids: DAYS 1-4 and newly added DAYS 5-8

1 comment:

Sarah B. SMITH said...

Praise God for meeting you where you needed him. I believe the heat was the healing, claiming that in Jesus name!! Many More Blessings to your family..