Oh man, oh man. I'm worn out. Have you ever taken a break from working out and then get back into the gym and after a couple of days you are spent? Your muscles are so sore that you just want to sleep for days on end and not move. Well... that's exactly how I feel except Spiritually. (I'm sure if I made it to the gym my muscles would feel sore too, but that's for a different day).
I really can't share too much, because I'm really that exhausted, but this weekend was a life changing girls weekend in Malibu (okay, woman's retreat, but I'm not old enough to go to one of those, so I refuse to call it that, so instead we went to a girls weekend in Malibu). Wow, did God want me to die to myself. Who knew that I was my biggest idol? Ever since then, I've been seeing God's work and His Kingdom in a whole new light, and Jesse's been experiencing the same thing too. It's almost as if God is going to get ready to do something in us, but first wants us to know that without a shadow of a doubt, we're nothing. Our name is not great, it will not ever be great. Our ministry is never going to be ours... wow, what a concept - His Ministry is HIS, and He wants to get the Glory and HIS name shall be made great. Again,what a concept. But stupidly, I think I was trying to make it about me, and I didn't even realize it until it hit me like a huge ass bus, right in the face. Then instead of blood and broken bones, I had snot and more snot and more snot. I guess it took me that beat down to realize I needed to be humble. The whole experience was covered by His Grace, which made it bearable and fruitful and exciting.
But now, J and I are just plain tired. It's like our eyes have been opened. And we're so expectant now. We are longing for him to move mightily and are honored that we just get to be on His ride. He's moving and doesn't have to include us, but graciously is and that is humbling. I feel the Holy Spirit preparing us for change but I don't know what that is... home? work? family? We know he's moving in crazy ways through church, but I think there's more and I can't wait to see what that is...
Until then, I'm plugging away with my kids and our Lenten Devos. Here are days 13-16. Enjoy.